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Research indicates that there are different types of phenomena represented in violence in intimate couple relationships.

All are unhealthy and unacceptable, and while they might appear to be the same dynamic, each operates from a different basis and must be addressed accordingly.

Adapted from “Apples and Oranges: Another Look at Couple Violence” (Rosanne Farnden Lyster, Concerning Couples, A Newsletter for Marriage Education Providers, Winter 1998)

 

Continuum of Aggression and Abuse in Relationships

Common Couple Aggression:

  • Aberrant act
  • Remorse
  • Does not cause fear, oppression or control
  • No injury
  • Comes from escalating arguments
  • Could happen in any family

High Conflict:

  • Do not solve problems well
  • Anger is an issue in family
  • May have remorse
  • May have sporadic physical aggression and/or destruction of property
  • Not emotionally abusive
  • No fear
  • Comes from escalating arguments

Abuse:

  • Sporadic physical aggression
  • Name-calling, but not character assassination
  • Verbal abuse, but
  • not psychological
  • Development of apprehension
  • May be remorseful
  • Threats of abandonment
  • Aggression takes place without witnesses

Battering:

  • Monopolization of perception
  • Generally more regular physical abuse, but may occur without physical
  • Threats to victim’s support system
  • Isolation
  • Name-calling that attacks character
  • Threats to kill self or others
  • Jealousy
  • Putting down friends and family
  • Destruction of property
  • Self-absorbed
  • Change in victim’s personality
  • More generally violent

Terrorism/Stalking:

  • Monopolization of perception
  • Insidious psychological abuse
  • Well-thought out threats to kill
  • Torturing pets
  • Extreme isolation
  • Generally more regular physical abuse, but may occur without physical abuse
  • Sexual humiliation and degradation

Books and Videos

  1. When Love Hurts – A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships***
    Jill Cory & Karen McAndless-Davis 2nd Edition ISBN – 9 780968 601617 2008
  2. Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men ***
    Lundy Bancroft ISBN – 9 780425 191651 2002
  3. But He Never Hit Me – Dr. Jill Murray, iUniverse, 2007, ISBN 978-0-595-41139-9
  4. Domestic Violence – What Every Pastor Needs to Know ***
    Rev. Al Miles ISBN – 9 780800 631758 2000
  5. Violence in Families – What Every Christian Needs to Know ***
    Rev. Al Miles ISBN – 9 780806 642642 2002
  6. No Place for Abuse – Biblical & Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence***
    Catherine Clark Kroeger & Nancy Nason-Clark ISBN – 9 78030 822959 2001
  7. Refuge from Abuse – Healing and Hope for Abused Christian Women ***
    Nancy Nason-Clark & Catherine Clark Kroeger ISBN – 9 780830 832033 2004
  8. The Lord Hears Your Cries – **
    Hope and Strength from the Scriptures in the Midst Of Domestic Violence
    PASCH – peaceandsafety.com 2004
  9. No Visible Wounds – Identifying nonphysical abuse of women by their men
    Mary Susan Miller ISBN – 9 780449 518909 2003
  10. Broken and Battered – A Way Out for Abused Women
    Muriel Canfield ISBN – 9 781582 290980 2000
  11. Healing the Hurting – Giving Hope and Help to Abused Women
    Catherine Clark Kroeger & James R. Beck, Eds. ISBN – 9 780801 058318 1998
  12. Wings Like A Dove – Healing for the Abused Christian Woman (Video) ***
    FaithTrust Institute 1997
  13. The Verbally Abusive Relationship – How to Recognize It and How to Respond
    Patricia Evans ISBN – 9 781558 505827 1996
  14. Women, Abuse, and the Bible – How Scripture Can Be Used to Hurt or Heal
    Catherine Clark Kroeger & James R. Beck, Eds. ISBN – 9 780801 057076 1996
  15. God’s Reconciling Love: A Pastor’s Handbook on Domestic Violence
    Nancy A. Murphy ISBN – 9 780974 910795 1995
  16. The Battered Wife – How Christians Confront Family Violence
    Nancy Nason-Clark ISBN – 9 780664 256920 1997
  17. Christian Men Who Hate Women – Healing Hurting Relationships
    Dr. Margaret Rinck ISBN – 9 780310 517511 1990
  18. Violence in the Family – A Workshop Curriculum for Clergy & Other Helpers
    Marie M. Fortune ISBN – 9 780829 809084 1991, 2002
  19. Dangerous Marriage – Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence
    S. R. McDill and Linda McDill ISBN – 9 780800 786540 1991
  20. Keeping the Faith – Guidance for Christian Women Facing Abuse **
    Marie M. Fortune ISBN – 9 780062 513007 1987
  21. Battered Into Submission – The Tragedy of Wife Abuse in the Christian Home
    James Alsdurf & Phyllis Alsdurf ISBN – 9 780830 812639 1989
  22. A Love That Kills (National Film Board)
  23. The Savage Cycle (Intermedia)
  24. It’s Not Like I Hit Her (Victoria Family Violence Prevention Society)
  25. It’s Not Always Happy at My House (Magic Lantern)