Warning signs


The Warning Signs of Abuse in the Relationship

 He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners

When you hear that another woman considers him abusive, always find a way to get her side of the story

He is disrespectful toward you

He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable

He is controlling

He is possessive

Nothing is ever his fault

He is self-centered

He abuses drugs or alcohol

He pressures you for sex

He gets serious too quickly about the relationship

He intimidates you when he’s angry

He has double standards

He has negative attitudes toward women

He treats you differently around other people

He appears to be attracted to vulnerability


What, then should you do to protect yourself from having a relationship turn abusive?

  1. Make it clear to him as soon as possible which behaviours or attitudes are unacceptable and cannot continue.
  2. If it happens again, stop seeing him for a substantial period of time.
  3. If it happens 3 or more times, chances are great that he has an abuse problem and you need to leave the relationship.


When Is It Clearly An Abusive Relationship?

The defining point of an abusive relationship is when the man starts to exercise power over you in a way that causes harm to you and creates a privileged status for him.

He retaliates against you for complaining about his behaviour

He tells you that your objections to his mistreatment are your own problem

He gives apologies that sound insincere or angry, and he demands that you accept them

He blames you for the impact of his behaviour

It’s never the right time, or the right way, to bring things up

He undermines your progress in life

He denies what he did

He justifies his hurtful or frightening acts or says that you “made him do it.”

He touches you in anger or puts you in fear in other ways

He coerces you into having sex or sexually assaults you

His controlling, disrespectful, or degrading behaviour is a pattern

You show signs of being abused

Material adapted from Lundy Bancroft’s “Why does he do that?”